Venter
hi
20 minutes
You
Hey
20 minutes
Venter
how are you?
20 minutes
You
Very well thank you. How are you doing?
20 minutes
Venter
eh, i'm ok
19 minutes
glad to hear you are doing well though
19 minutes
You
What's happening?
19 minutes
Venter
so much haha
19 minutes
i'm a mess
19 minutes
my life is a mess
19 minutes
biggest thing is that a 4 and a half year relationship ended back in may. bad break up. lots of anger and bitterness on both sides. it devastated
19 minutes
me
19 minutes
now it's the holidays and i'm all alone for the first time ever. no family, no friends
18 minutes
You
I'm sorry to hear that. End of relationships is always a tough expereince no doubt
18 minutes
But how come no family..?
18 minutes
Venter
they aren't around here
18 minutes
and i couldn't travel for the holidays
17 minutes
You
And no friends at all?
17 minutes
Venter
not really, no
17 minutes
they moved away
17 minutes
or we've grown apart
17 minutes
i mean, i know some people
17 minutes
but i wouldn't say they're my friends. more like acquaintances
16 minutes
You
I see..
16 minutes
Venter
i guess the biggest thing is deep down i keep thinking my ex is going to come back
16 minutes
and i need to find a way to let go of that
16 minutes
You
why do you feel that way?
15 minutes
Venter
which way?
15 minutes
that she'll come back or that i need to let go of it?
15 minutes
You
Why do you feel that she will come back?
14 minutes
Venter
i don't know... cause i was good for her. i have high value
14 minutes
i know she's not over it either. we haven't interacted much since the split, but every time we did it was clear she's still angry, bitter
14 minutes
there's emotions there. she's still invested
13 minutes
it seems like she tries to put on a good face and act like she's ok, but it doesn't take much for her to lash out or let that facade fall away
13 minutes
You
and what about you...you think you are able to move on?
12 minutes
Venter
well, she also seems very determined to move on. i guess for her it will be a question of whether her emotions or her mind prevails
12 minutes
so far, it seems like her mind is winning
11 minutes
i don't have a choice but to move on. i won't ask her to come back
11 minutes
i'm not going to sit around waiting for her the rest of my life
11 minutes
You
Seems fair
11 minutes
So what is your bigger concern right now...that you dont have companionship or that you don't have any social circle at all?
10 minutes
Venter
you know, i'm not sure
10 minutes
i'm in my mid 30's
9 minutes
having friends kind of becomes different at that point
9 minutes
if i had to pick one or the other, i'd rather have a happy, healthy relationship
9 minutes
however, a social circle can help in finding someone
9 minutes
You
Agreed..a healthy relationship is very important, but one shouldn't discount the value of friends either...
8 minutes
Venter
maybe it's just me
7 minutes
i don't like a lot of people i meet
7 minutes
people can be assholes
7 minutes
You
I think I can relate as we seem to have a few things in common...
7 minutes
Being a man in my early 30's and having gone through the pain of heartbreak myself, I learned the value of having few close supportive friends who helped me though my struggle ( and still do)
6 minutes
The reality is, a romantic relationship is not - and cannot - be an end all, be all situation
5 minutes
Venter
yeah, that part bums me out. i feel let down by a lot of people in my life this year. first my ex for treating me like she did and then leaving me
5 minutes
You
We men need variety and significance in our lives
5 minutes
Venter
and then everyone else. they all knew how hard of a time i was having and didn't seem to care all that much
4 minutes
some people would listen a bit when it was convenient for them and then say "just get over it"
4 minutes
but no one tried to do anything for me. no one said "dude, we're taking you out tonight and having fun" or anything like that
4 minutes
You
Sounds like you need Real friends...brothers who are on the same page..
3 minutes
Venter
i don't know. maybe i'm expecting too much of people
3 minutes
i don't think so though. i would do that for the "friends" i have
3 minutes
You
So let me ask you this...
3 minutes
Venter
i'm a pretty kind and giving person. feels like maybe i attract selfish people as a result
3 minutes
You
..you think this holiday season would be a good time to re-start a new life with new friends and new hobbies/activities..?
2 minutes
Venter
yeah, definitely
2 minutes
i'm ready man
2 minutes
i've been trying
2 minutes
i want to hit the 'reset' button so bad. i just can't find the damn thing. if i could i would push it
2 minutes
You
The thing about a shitty past is, that it is...the past..
1 minute
Venter
honestly, a big thing to me is i just want to be able to enjoy the things i used to
1 minute
video games, movies, going out to eat, shopping
1 minute
i'm a simple dude
1 minute
i loved doing all those things
1 minute
You
so why don;t you..?
1 minute
Venter
well, i try. my mind is such a mess i can't focus
1 minute
i can play a video game for like 10 mins before i turn it off
just now
Venter
part of it is i feel like i'm wasting time. i'm not happy with my life so i shouldn't be sitting around playing video games
27 minutes
there's some validity to that, but it's also kind of shitty because i legitimately LOVE video games
27 minutes
You
I know exactly what you are saying, it's hard to re-gain the same motivation for life after a painful expereince...
26 minutes
..but tell me this...how will your life look if you stayed in your little cocoon of despair..? If you did not push yourself outside your comfort zone?
25 minutes
Venter
no, you're right
25 minutes
i need to find myself again
25 minutes
i've been exercising and eating well. that's a change for me and it feels good
25 minutes
You
And for sure...it will take some time
25 minutes
Venter
another two months and i'll be in the best shape i ever have been in
24 minutes
which is awesome
24 minutes
You
and a cause for celebration as well..
24 minutes
Venter
but i feel like i don't need to completely reinvent myself
24 minutes
i should be able to enjoy the things i've enjoyed my whole life
24 minutes
You
If that is what gives you satisfaction then yes..do that
23 minutes
Venter
a little bit of old and a little bit of new
23 minutes
You
There you go man
23 minutes
Venter
i don't know. i have issues i guess
23 minutes
i've never been good with women
23 minutes
i suspect women don't find me very attractive
23 minutes
You
I'm sorry if I sound harsh or a bit rude....
22 minutes
...but that's a bunch of bull
22 minutes
Venter
you know, everyone says that
22 minutes
You
Do you have any idea HOW many guys out there think that way?
21 minutes
Venter
but women never show any interest in me
21 minutes
and i get rejected a lot
21 minutes
You
Here's a secret for ya...
21 minutes
Being good with women is a skill...that can be learned
21 minutes
Venter
i'm awful with them generally haha
20 minutes
You
Well, you did get at least one girl to stay with you for over 4 years didn't you?
19 minutes
Venter
yes
19 minutes
i know how to be a boyfriend
19 minutes
i was good at that
19 minutes
honestly
19 minutes
i'm just awful at attracting them
19 minutes
it's not often a woman flirts with me or shows any kind of interest
18 minutes
i'll tell you what though, i have off the next 4 days. i'm going to try to spend some significant time playing some video games. i have a ton that i bought that are still in the shrink-wrap. would love to dig into one of them and enjoy it
18 minutes
You
Is that your excuse for not going out and meeting people?
17 minutes
Venter
playing video games?
17 minutes
You
yes
17 minutes
Venter
no
17 minutes
i go out a lot dude
17 minutes
You
Maybe its an escape from reality
17 minutes
Venter
i was just out last night
17 minutes
truthfully i don't want to spend any more money until i get paid next week
16 minutes
lol
16 minutes
things are tight right now
16 minutes
You
I'd like to share some advice with you that I myself got recently...
16 minutes
...and it's the most pleasant, but i found it very helpful, and i hope you do as well...
16 minutes
not the most pleasant i mean
16 minutes
Venter
shoot
16 minutes
You
The reality is..you are a man in his mid 30's...
15 minutes
perhaps you desire a family of your own one day, perhaps you don't. maybe you just want a loving relationship...
15 minutes
Venter
yeah, no kids
14 minutes
You
But bottom line...you can't afford to dick around as the 20's are gone
14 minutes
Venter
i agree with all of that
14 minutes
You
So yes...video games are a nice escape for a little while, but they are not what makes a man attracive
14 minutes
Venter
but i also can't go out and spend money i don't have
13 minutes
You
What makes a man attractive to any woman is Ambition, Big goals, the Drive and the passion to succeed at something in life
13 minutes
Venter
yeah, i'm good there. i'm successful, have a good career
12 minutes
You
and one doesnt have to spend money to be a successful person
12 minutes
Venter
no of course not
11 minutes
but it's the end of december. people aren't just out hanging around in parks. where am i going to go to meet people without spending money?
10 minutes
You
It doesn't have to be right away...but find groups of like minded people on meetup.com or even your local atheltics club
9 minutes
Venter
now we're on the same page
9 minutes
You
Also, I would like to share a realy good book with you that will help you in developing a kickass mindset
9 minutes
Venter
me laying low this weekend and trying to enjoy some video games for the first time in 7 months is not a setback
9 minutes
Venter
or me avoiding anything
8 minutes
You
I would highly recommend investing in this book
8 minutes
And yes...if video games get your juices flowing then by all means, take some time to enjoy it. All i'm saying is, don't make it your entire life
7 minutes
Venter
no, i've never made it my whole life
7 minutes
always a healthy balance
7 minutes
but always something i've enjoyed a lot
7 minutes
ok, i'll check the book at
7 minutes
You
So I suppose we have a solid gameplan for the holiday blues then eh?
6 minutes
Venter
well, i'm just going to try to stay busy and think positive
5 minutes
make an attempt to enjoy some of my hobbies
5 minutes
You
Right on!
5 minutes
Venter
get my exercise in each day
5 minutes
just make the best of it
5 minutes
i just want to go back to being happy
4 minutes
i was the happiest guy i know for years
4 minutes
and most of it came from me. from myself
4 minutes
the past year has been rough on me. i've lost a lot, beyond the girlfriend
4 minutes
and i think it's just taken all my passion away. i want to get it back
4 minutes
You
I know the feeling man
3 minutes
But i also know that the feeling of getting back up again after being knocked down is marvellous
3 minutes
Venter
and once i'm feeling good and read it won't be hard to meet women
3 minutes
i've messed around on dating sites and met quite a few
3 minutes
i'm just not ready for all of that yet
3 minutes
i need to be happy with me and my new life alone first
2 minutes
then i can add someone to it
2 minutes
You
That's what I'm talking about!
2 minutes
Venter
yes
just now
this has been good for me
just now
thank you
just now
You
You bet! Good luck man
just now
Venter
thanks
just now
good luck to you too
just now
merry christmas
just now
You
Cheers!
