Monday, February 2, 2015

Male, 24 - No Girlfriend, Wants the "Perfect Woman"

A conversation with a young guys who feels that he is not attractive enough for the ladies and desire an ideal woman...

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 Venter
hi
44 minutes
 You
Good evening
43 minutes
 Venter
i feel like something is wrong with me because i haven't been able to feel in love with anyone for the past few years
43 minutes
in the past i used to get crushes on people
43 minutes
and i'd think about them a lot
43 minutes
and it never worked out
43 minutes
well since the last one, i haven't been able to really feel that
43 minutes
all women seem the same to me
42 minutes
whats wrong with me?
42 minutes
?
42 minutes
 You
Can i ask your age?
42 minutes
 Venter
24
42 minutes
 You
Have you been in any relationship(s)?
41 minutes
 Venter
no
41 minutes
 You
Dated anyone?
41 minutes
 Venter
no
41 minutes
 You
Kissed a woman?
41 minutes
 Venter
yeah, i had sex once
41 minutes
it was a friends with benefits thing
41 minutes
just once though
41 minutes
 You
Let me ask you this...
40 minutes
 Venter
ok
40 minutes
 You
..why do you want to have a woman in your life?
40 minutes
 Venter
hmm
40 minutes
idk how to answer that
40 minutes
i'm afraid she would use me or hurt me
40 minutes
or cheat
40 minutes
but i do want a woman
40 minutes
just the right woman
39 minutes
i don't meet many right women
39 minutes
and i haven't had a crush in years so
39 minutes
 You
Ok, let's put this another way...
39 minutes
what do you have to offer to th right woman..?
39 minutes
 Venter
hmm i don't know
39 minutes
i'm a good person
39 minutes
smart
39 minutes
i work hard
39 minutes
i'm just not very attractive
38 minutes
i think that's what it is
38 minutes
 You
Yes...but there are millions of good, hard-working smart guys out there. What do you have that most guys cant offer?
38 minutes
 Venter
uh, nothing? i can cook and play music
37 minutes
idk
37 minutes
 You
So if a woman came into your life, do you think she would find a relationship with you to be full of adventure and excitement?
36 minutes
 Venter
oh no
36 minutes
i'm stable
36 minutes
i don't do much besides work and take care of my mom
36 minutes
and play music
36 minutes
i read a lot and watch movies
36 minutes
 You
I'm sorry to tell you this my friend..but stable is boring. Taking care of your mother is a noble thing and women do dig music, but YOU have to be happy with your life first befire someone else find being with you appealing
35 minutes
This may sound a but new agey to ya, but unless you are at a strong and peaceful place in your own life, female companionship cant do much for you
34 minutes
Take it from a guy who was once in this exact position
34 minutes
 Venter
well, i am at a strong and peaceful place
33 minutes
that's not what i mean
33 minutes
and i don't even want female companionship right now
33 minutes
i'm in law school
33 minutes
i don't want it for a few years
33 minutes
i feel something is wrong that i don't even have crushes anymore
33 minutes
is it that i'm just turned off by women because of rejection
32 minutes
i'm relatively happy with my life
32 minutes
and i don't think i should change who i am to attract women
32 minutes
i don't care if i attract women or dont attract women
32 minutes
 You
You sure about that? because you asking the question indicates that deep down inside, you do desire to be with someone, but are just trying to convince yourself that you should stop trying
31 minutes
 Venter
and what's adventurous anyway
31 minutes
like what does an adventurous person do
31 minutes
 You
Adventurous in your attitude..willing to try new things, being spontaneous, having a CAN DO attitude about life
31 minutes
So lets take the example of you playing music...
30 minutes
Have you ever taken your musical instrument out in public and played to random strangers, just to share your talent, or played at a club or the student center at your Uni for example?
29 minutes
 Venter
yeah
29 minutes
all the time
29 minutes
 You
and whats the response like?
29 minutes
 Venter
it got to the point where i was in several bands
29 minutes
people love me
29 minutes
i can play 6 different instruments
29 minutes
 You
what about women?
29 minutes
 Venter
i'm pretty well known in this town
29 minutes
i have female friends
28 minutes
what about women?
28 minutes
 You
female friends dont count..im talking about women finding you charming..
28 minutes
 Venter
oh none
28 minutes
at least i don't think so
28 minutes
i just don't think i'm attractive in that way
27 minutes
some people are
27 minutes
some aren't
27 minutes
 You
Ok, i'm a bit confused so help me out here...
27 minutes
You say that women dont find you attractive... but at the same time, you dont feel attraction for any woman either...so what seems to be the problem. If you dont desire a woman at this time, then why worry about whether chicks dig you or not??
26 minutes
 Venter
well i feel sexual attraction
25 minutes
but i desire certain characterists
25 minutes
characteristics
25 minutes
like if they're good people or not
25 minutes
do they have ambition
25 minutes
well, i worry that later on down the line when i'm ready to enter in the dating world
25 minutes
if i'll achieve results
25 minutes
 You
And how would you be able to determine all of that if you dont talk to them or go out with them?
24 minutes
 Venter
well, i talk to many women
24 minutes
they're just frends
24 minutes
friends
24 minutes
and i go out with women
24 minutes
just not on dates
24 minutes
and i get a feel for them while they're my friends
24 minutes
and i learn that i wouldn't want to be with them
24 minutes
like i said, it's been a long time since i've had a crush
24 minutes
and i've been rejected by my crushes
23 minutes
 You
Fair enough..so you are looking for that ideal woman, i understand. But i'm also getting the sense here that you dont even want to try again because of this fear that you might fail again
22 minutes
 Venter
thats partly it
22 minutes
also because my parents divorced
22 minutes
and my best friend had his life ruined by a woman and told me that women weren't worth it and i should be single
22 minutes
and my own experiences kind of led me to that conclusion too
21 minutes
 You
Aahh...so you want to live your life based on someone else's bad experience..i see
21 minutes
 Venter
well i've never had a role model for a good relationship
20 minutes
 You
Well, I'm still not sure what you want because on the one hand you say you want the perfect woman, but then you want to be single at the same time...
20 minutes
 Venter
ok, in a nutshell
20 minutes
 You
You cant have it both ways
20 minutes
 Venter
YES, i want the perfect woman
20 minutes
but
20 minutes
i will not date
20 minutes
because i don't think its worth wading through the bad ones to find the good
19 minutes
IF there even is a god
19 minutes
*good
19 minutes
and frankly, women don't really seem interested
19 minutes
 You
I would agree with you about wading part..it is a waste of time, however, since you do have female friends who you dont seem to find much attraction for, then perhaps, you should use them to your advantage and ask them to help you..
17 minutes
Maybe they can introduce you to a woman who has the qualities that you seek in a partner
17 minutes
 Venter
the last time that happened, i was introduced to a woman who was the definition of a nerd
16 minutes
this girl was 26 and played video games all day
16 minutes
i felt older than her
16 minutes
 You
But most importantly, you will have to change this story that you are not attractive enough, becaiuse quite frankly, it's a bunch of bull and many guys remain trapped because of what they tell themsleves
16 minutes
 Venter
i pride myself in my ambition
16 minutes
i do a lot of shit
16 minutes
i go to school
16 minutes
i have a business
16 minutes
i take care of my mom and dad
15 minutes
i cook
15 minutes
i play music
15 minutes
i fish
15 minutes
i keep myself active
15 minutes
i even play chess and read
15 minutes
 You
So i'm curious...what are the characterisitics that you desire in a woman?
15 minutes
 Venter
basically i want her to be ambitious
14 minutes
and loyal and supportive
14 minutes
nice, friendly, and smart
14 minutes
oh and not fucking psycho
14 minutes
not a drug user
14 minutes
not an alcholic
14 minutes
alcoholic
14 minutes
preferably doesn't sleep around a lot, only sleeps with guys she's serious about
13 minutes
like a real genuine girl
13 minutes
 You
Alright..fair enough...a "real genuine girl", as you say. Are you willing to seek her out? Or do you want to just walk into her one day?

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At this point, the conversation got disconnected